I was about sixteen years old and some friends of mine and I went to the Point Defiance Zoo in Scenic Tacoma where I was crippled for a day.

It began innocently enough when we arrived at the zoo and began our usual teenage milling about, going from one animal to the next and hoping to God that they would be pooping.
As we continued with our delinquency, we stumbled upon an abandoned wheelchair on the side of the path, (that is to say, we found a wheelchair, no one actually tripped on it) and decided to take turns riding in it.
It was tremendously fun, I don't know what those crippled people are always bitching about, and we laughed and laughed.

EDITOR'S NOTE: At NO time during this story was there any sort of drug or alcohol use whatsoever. That would have been cool though.

So it was my turn in The Chair and we zoomed around the monkey cages and made our way to the aquatic performance (big tank) portion of the park just as the Sea Lions were taking the stage.
"The sea lion is the clown of the ocean," says their handler to the crowd of adoring children and soccer moms that has rapidly gathered around to get a closer look. To further illustrate his point about the whole clown-of-the-ocean thing, he has taken the liberty of dressing the sea lion up as a clown complete with a giant red nose.
I wondered if on somedays the sea lions were ever "the cowboys of the ocean" or the "firemen of the ocean" depending on the costume choice of the day.
So the clown does his tricks and he's pretty good, to be fair, and the performance is wrapping up and the trainer says over the loudspeaker,

"Let's see if there are any special people out there that Willy wants to 'say hi' to!"

My friends and I were at the back of the crowd but, sure enough, that fuckin lion tamer spotted me and he and his 500 pound yelping dress up doll started waddling towards us.
We were trapped.
The trainer made sure everybody noticed him being this great guy and had the thing lick me. It was mildly pleasant -On the face, it licked me on the face-, I'll admit, but the fact that I was receiving this preferential treatment based on my fraudulent claim to be handicapped was stripping every shred of enjoyment out of my first experience with bestiality.
Fucking morals.
Anyway, now most of the zoo's patrons were "awing" and smiling to each other, I think there may have even been a round of applause. Yes, upon reflection I'm sure of it, there was a fucking round of applause.
From there on out that day, everywhere we went we were shadowed by these moms and their relentless children who just loved the idea of a man on wheels that smelled like fish. As long as these people were around I couldn't get out of the wheelchair because that would instantly invalidate all of the clapping they had just done, so I sat there.

I was stuck in that thing all day long, and now, whenever I see someone riding in a wheelchair, I give them the "OK" sign and a knowing wink just in case they're only faking being a cripple. Or an amputee.
Whatever, it's none of my business.