You know what sucks about grocery stores? Yes, considering who you are, you probably do. So that brings us to today's topic: Gay sex.

I'm looking forward to Christmas this year as it will be my second in the Golden State and I like the feeling of being both "cold" and "dry". I can't remember that particular combination ever occurring in my native Seattle, and I'm growing quite accustomed to it.
Let's be honest, the weather in Seattle is bad.
Oh, I said it!
I'll say it again!
Take THAT City-that-wouldn't-refund-my-money-after-a-pothole-sheared-off-most-of-my-car's-undercarriage-costing-me-upwards-of-$500! Dicks. Ha ha, I never thought vengeance would feel this good!
I'm going to whiten my teeth. I was reading some crazy article yesterday about how they're putting whitening agents into all the toothpastes nowadays and that got me thinking, "Toothpaste, huh?".
But I'm skipping all that tedious brushing and I'm going to get something that works super fucking fast, and I'll tell you why...I want clear teeth.
No, I did NOT just misspell the word "clean", I want my fucking teeth to be TRANSPARENT.
That's where they're heading with this whole "whitening" thing and I would like to be the first to get there. Won't that be awesome? Soon, the coolest smile will be no smile at all, and poor people will resort to actually removing their teeth just to seem as cool as me. Fuckin' poor assholes. Not you Dave.
Speaking of being poor, here's a great idea for making some money, I've thought of the perfect name for a new tooth whitener...
WHITENING LIGHTNING!!
Huzzah! I've done it! Any of you can now take that idea and make millions of dollars with it. At which point I will mysteriously produce the copyright and sue your ass for half of everything you made, and then we'll BOTH be rich! Yes!
Incidentally, I just spell-checked this entry and I took great pleasure in making the spellchecker learn all of the swear words that I've used. It's almost like corrupting someone else's child, another hobby I'm quite fond of.
Well, time to go and work on my Walken.
Oh, by the way, I have no opinon whatsoever regarding gay sex.