This Blog was going to be about Road Rage, but on Sunday night I went to a Christmas party and had many drinks.

Incidentally, it really bothers me when I'm talking to some guy about last night's festivities and he feels an obligation to tell me exactly what type of and how many alcoholic beverages he ingested,
"Dude, I had four margaritas, three shots of tequila, and like, two beers!"

Does that bother you, too? No? Ok, well then, that's what I had, except it was definitely two beers.

Yeah, I was drunk. Suck it.
And it's a good thing for you that I got so wasted last night, because I woke up this morning with the most hilarious hangover ever.

It started with the whole pounding headache/dry mouth thing, nothing I couldn't handle. However, the rebellion in my stomach and subsequent (multiple) false vomit alarms were no fun at all. But I was making it through OK, and I was slowly starting to regain my sense of balance when suddenly, through no fault of my own, the world started fucking with me.

I felt really dizzy, like I was rocking back and forth, even though I was anchored to a fairly large white couch. I tried to reason with myself, but I was having none of it.

"Wow! Check it out Handsome, the world feels like it's rolling!" myself said to me.

"Fuck off." I replied, " I'm just hung over...Hey Bad Ass, do you want to hear what I had to drink last night?"

"Yeah! Right after my head clears, Pimp Daddy, and after the curtains stop swinging around."

"Curtains? Around? You're hilarious!"

"Holy Shit! This is an earthquake! Quick, let's get that sexy little butt into a door frame!"

"Alright, here we are...in a door frame. Hey, Cool Cat, if this building falls down, are there gonna be a whole lot of door frames that manage to stay intact?"

"Maybe not a whole lot, but this one looks like a good one."

"How can you be sure, it looks just like all the other ones?"

"You are so cute. Let's go outside."

"Deal."

So I went outside. And instantly it struck me how blue the sky was, and how warm the sun felt, and how strange it was that the water in the swimming pool was sloshing around like a washing machine and spilling up over the lip of the pool in an effort to come and get me.

I managed to avoid it, but if I hadn't, my socks would have become wet, and that is the worst thing in the world. Oh yeah, even worse than Matrix Revolutions.

So, after the tectonic episode, my day became a good deal less surreal, unless you count the fact that I spent the next few hours trying to have an instant message conversation with the fastest typist in the world. It's a very humbling hobby of mine.

Yes, another exciting day here in Southern California, where you can bitch about everything except the weather. I know I do.

Now, on to the "meat" of the entry...

Do you suffer from Road Rage? Do you navigate the streets of life in constant consternation? Do you have difficulty fathoming why THE FUCK this guy is not going?

Yes, you do.
Don't try to deny it, embrace it. Road rage is the common bond among us all, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

No, I'm sorry, that's masturbation that I'm thinking of, but road rage is cool too.