An open letter to the Youth Of America:

Hey guys, how's it going? Come over here for a minute. Have a seat. I was just wondering if-hey! Hey! Would you mind looking at me when I talk to you?

Thank you.

I was just wondering if you could tell me where you were on Tuesday.
See, I called Danny's parents and they said he told them you were all hanging out here. So what gives?
Look, it doesn't really matter where you were, just as long as you voted. I know that I can count on you to be smart and responsi- Don't you look at your Mother, look at me!

You did vote, didn't you?

Didn't you?

You. Didn't. Vote.

Did I not make it clear that there was a free sticker involved?

No, it's not so much that I'm mad, as I am just disappointed. And very mad. I mean, how do you think this makes Drew Barrymore feel? She could have been filming a movie this whole time instead of traveling the country trying to get you to vote and then to somehow pretend she still qualifies as a "young person" even though she's a month away from being 30.

Poor Drew Barrymore.
Now doesn't that make you feel terrible, she's the sweet little girl from E.T. for pete's sake!

It's a movie about an alien.

You know, there was a time when you had to be 21 years old to vote in this country, and people your age were fighting tooth and nail for the same rights that everyone else had.
And now what have you done with those rights?

You've crudded all over them, pardon my french.

And for that, you are grounded.

And don't even ask to come out of that filthy room of yours until November 2008. Maybe then you can act like the that adult you're supposed to be.

Ah-ah-ah! Not one word! Just get out of my sight!

And don't you give me that look either, unless you want me to call P. Diddy.