CAN I GET A WITNESS FROM THE CONGREGATION?


Aww yes, welcome back, my brothers and sisters.
Welcome back to the home of the truth.
To the place where everyone is welcome and no soul is ever turned away.
To the center of all that is right, all that is real, all that is fundamentally correct.

My brothers, my sisters, the time has come.

A time I knew would come, but prayed would not.
It is time that we discuss something.
And before I say this, know that I am not one of those kind of people.
But still, as strange as this may sound coming from me, I am forced to admit this unfortunate fact to the entire world;

That fucking Oven Mitt from Arby's is one funny motherfucker.

Can I get an "Amen"?

Anyone?

No?

Fine, church is over, go eat.

In related news, my boy Spirit is fixing to rip that bitch-ass Opportunity a new data port.
I don't know if you've heard, but that nilla is back in action, and he's not going to take it anymore! All of you suckas that jumped on the O-P-P's bandwagon better recognize!
We got Spirit, yes we do!
We got Spirit, how bout you?

What's wrong bitches? Is it possibly the fact you can't respond with a clever chant because nothing rhymes with opportunity? Boy, did you pick the wrong horse. You bet your money on a bob-tail nag, and this somebody bet on The Bay.

In still other news, the votes are in, and the M.V.P. for the month of January is one Lucas Samuel Thayer.
He came.
He saw.
He learned choreography.

And as if that wasn't enough, even though he just arrived in sunny SoCal, he has decided to forgo the requisite year of inactivity to "adjust to life in L.A.".
He looked this diabolical city straight in the eye and pretty much just said,

"No, I'll just kick ass now, thanks."

Nice work, Luke. Keep it up.

In other news, I would like to announce that we are mired in a movie slump right now, and it's kinda getting me down. I can remember vividly the excitement I felt waiting for Return Of The King and before that (gulp) Matrix Revolutions and I don't feel any of that now. What do we have to look forward to?
The Jesus movie with the Lethal Weapon guy? No thanks.
The Meg Ryan/Omar Epps boxing epic? Please.
Win a date with Crap McCraperson? Pass.

At this point, I'm supremely uninterested in anything showing at our huge, overpriced, commercial-showing movie houses.

Tell you what, just wake me up when "Radio" hits DVD.

Better yet, don't.

Tonight my comedy group has the meeting to decide which sketches go to The Show, and which sketches are stuck in Everett playing for the Aquasox.

By the way, that is how they spell it. But I don't know why.

Try as I might, I can't support the practice of replacing the conventional and fully functional "cks" with the more extreme and faintly 90's smelling "x". It's something fifth grade boys do when they're being lazy, as in;

"Dude, this class sux!"

Yes, son. This class does suck. But maybe if you spent a little more time looking at your books than at the Hustler your friends found in the woods, you'd actually make something of your pathetic life.

Kids, you just gotta know how to talk to 'em.