Mark Siano Is A Jerk.

That's not true folks, but we are extremely jealous of his current trip to Italy, and also we needed a headline.

It's been two weeks since we last posted, but we wanted to give people the appropriate amount of time to savor the flavor of our return. (or, if you're English or Canadian, savour the flavour)

Perhaps today, you would like a story...

Upon taking the advice of our veterinarian, we here at the old RP have taken to bringing our new feline companion along with us in the car on the way to get coffee. This is to theoretically get her used to the experience so that's it's not as traumatic when she has to go to the vet (like it's the car she's worried about, and not the dogs and shots).

And now, for the sake of the story, we shall drop the editorial we.

As I (see!) walked out of the coffee shop towards my car in the parking lot, I noticed my kitten looking at me through one of the windows as I approached. What I did not notice, and boy I wish I had, was the Land Rover parked next my car with all it's windows down. I also failed to notice the very attractive female passenger sitting in the passenger seat of the aforementioned Land Rover. This was the completely wrong time to do anything embarrassing. Guess what happened.

As I approached the car, I began addressing my kitten through the driver's window, which was cracked for safety . [It is important to note here that I am wearing sunglasses and the cat is not visible to anyone but me.] I began to speak in the voice that so far in my life has only been heard by my cat, my girlfriend, and most likely, The NSA. What I said, or rather, what I cooed, was this:

"Oh, are you just sitting by yourself in the caaaaaaarrrr?"

"That's pretty cuuuuute."

"Are you lonely sitting out here in the parking lot? Would you like some company?"

"I'm gonna come in there and give you a little kiss on the nose, would you liiiike that?"

I, unfortunately, said much more than this, but you get the picture.

At this point I have reached the automobile, and have placed the coffee on the roof so that I can open the car door. I reach into the car and pull out my little grey and white comrade (see pictures below) and I pull her up into the sunlight and then I hear a distinctively hot voice say,

"Oh, thank God."

I looked up surprised and said, "Oh hello?". I don't know why it was a question.

And then she said, "I thought you were a total creep talking to me in the parking lot."

I told her I wasn't a total creep and she may have actually believed that. Sucka.

Then she asked to see Gozer up close and I walked around to her side of the car. We talked and laughed about how weird the situation almost was, when without any warning the situation suddenly got weird again.

You see, as I had been talking and laughing with this girl we both completely failed to notice her boyfriend, presumably the owner of the aforementioned Land Rover, walking up to us with the kind of scowl on his face that one can only use when one thinks that some total creep with a kitten as a prop is hitting on your girlfriend in a parking lot. It didn't make matters any better when the girl acted like we'd just been caught in the middle of something that may or may not have been pre-fornication.

"Oh. Hi, uh, honey. I was just, uh, looking at his cat."

Which left me to reply lamely, "Yeah. This is my cat." And I kind of hoisted Gozer up in front of me both to show him I wasn't lying, and to possibly shield myself from a beating with her cuteness.

It worked. I received no beating. The gentleman just gave me a look and then climbed into his SUV and drove away.

The moral of this story?

I now have a completely foolproof way to talk to hot girls in parking lots.

Thanks Gozey.