Hello there, my name is Ryan, and these are things that I know to be true.



1. It is better to play J.V. than bench Varsity.

2. No one is ever going to put 'em on the glass. Except maybe Jeff.

3. I desperately want to eat the silica gel that comes in shoes and beef jerky. I am thoroughly convinced that it is awesome!

4. It is impossible to lick your own elbow.

5. Beef Jerky is made by enchanted Jerky elves, that's why it's so expensive.

6. Most American automobiles' horns honk in the key of F.

7. Dave just tried to lick his own elbow.

8. Someone I know has a little mercy in his dojo.

9. The youngest Pope ever was eleven years old.

10. Making lists like this is just a blatantly transparent way to avoid writing a real blog entry.

11. You never see any brown cars on the road.

12. John Edwards will be President.

13. But not until 2008.

14. The Chicago Sketchfest was simply not prepared for The Greatest Comedy Group of All Time.

15. They will be next year.

16. We should just stop kidding ourselves and change our name to
"The Vending Machine Guys"

17. My favorite meal used to be pizza. Now, I never want to eat this miserable excuse for pizza that we get out here ever again. Thanks a lot, Chicago.