And now, back by singular demand, it's

Ryduffalo's Movie Reviews!!!!
(We tell you what to like, whether you like it or not)


Our first film is The Prestige, starring Batman, Wolverine, and Scarlett Johansson. Oh, and we would be remiss if we didn't mention Michael Caine, as the old-guy magician's helper, oh and also, David motherfuckin' Bowie, as Tesla, the christian rock band.

This movie had a nice, dark, fall-slash-winter kind of feel to it, and you got the sense that Tim Burton would be waiting to pop out from behind every door they opened, even though he never did, which was frankly a bit disappointing.

I liked The Prestige, it had excitement, mystery, sacrifice, and no less than three clever little twists for you to wrap your mind around. I say you, because I figured them out super early and announced them to the crowd.
After the movie, I took some quotes from random people in the audience so that you could see what the general movie-going public thought;

Ross, a vintage movie theatre manager from West Hollywood;

"I thought it was fantastic."

Kelly (male with a female name), a concierge from Venice;

"I liked the part with the magic."

Wil, an actor from Hollywood;

"Ryan, I had to listen to you talking the whole movie about how you'd 'figured it out' before the rest of us, so stop talking now or I'll choke you."

So there you have it folks. Go see The Prestige. In theatres now.

Or is it?

If you go to see it, and it's not there anymore, ta-daaa! Magic!

GRADE: 91% A-


Next up, we have The Departed.

Nicholson, Damon, DiCaprio, and Marky Mark. You see, this film put me in a quandary. As an impartial movie critic, I probably shouldn't tell you that I automatically love everything that Jack Nicholson does and automatically hate everything that motherfuckin Leo DiCaprio does before I even see it, but I do. I'm a bad person. But now I was in a pickle. They were both in the same movie! I had to see it, but did I have to like it?

I decided that the two actors would cancel each other out, and I'd just honestly give you my opinion about the film, the way some other reviewers do (I won't mention any names, but pretty much all of them), the pansies.

First off, DiCaprio is good in this. So is Marky Mark. Also, Matt Damon is good as well. Nicholson is awesome. Scorcese directed it. It's a great movie. Everyone fucking dies.

Just kidding. Or am I?

Go see it.

GRADE: 91% A-


And finally we come to Borat.

Right now, I envy those of you who haven't seen it yet.

For I have seen the funniest movie I'll ever see. And I'll never get back that feeling that I had while in that theatre that day*.

God himself couldn't make me laugh harder than I did, and He has quite a reputation as a hellacious tickler. This movie is so good that it has been universally lauded by everyone who wasn't actually in it being made fools of. (How's that for grammar, Mark's Mom?)

OK. Enough.

It wasn't that good. Mr. Cohen is a genius, and I can understand if someone who had never seen Da Ali G Show and wasn't familiar with Borat's character might be blown away by the size of the man's testes-satchel, but at no point in this movie did I reach the peak of horrified laughter that I experienced while watching him sing, "Throw The Jew Down The Well" in a country western bar in Arizona. They should have put that in the movie just on general principle for those who don't get HBO.

But the movie is funny. Very funny. Go. You will not be disappointed, and that's a bold statement to make considering the state of movies today.

GRADE: 91% A-

Well folks, as they say in the movie biz, "that's a wrap".
By the way, absolutely no one in the movie biz refers to it as the movie biz. I know that because I'm in the movie biz. See what I mean?

Tune in next time for the next Bond movie, and Stranger than Fiction.


*Four "that"s in eleven words! It's a new record!