Mark Siano Is A Jerk.

That's not true folks, but we are extremely jealous of his current trip to Italy, and also we needed a headline.

It's been two weeks since we last posted, but we wanted to give people the appropriate amount of time to savor the flavor of our return. (or, if you're English or Canadian, savour the flavour)

Perhaps today, you would like a story...

Upon taking the advice of our veterinarian, we here at the old RP have taken to bringing our new feline companion along with us in the car on the way to get coffee. This is to theoretically get her used to the experience so that's it's not as traumatic when she has to go to the vet (like it's the car she's worried about, and not the dogs and shots).

And now, for the sake of the story, we shall drop the editorial we.

As I (see!) walked out of the coffee shop towards my car in the parking lot, I noticed my kitten looking at me through one of the windows as I approached. What I did not notice, and boy I wish I had, was the Land Rover parked next my car with all it's windows down. I also failed to notice the very attractive female passenger sitting in the passenger seat of the aforementioned Land Rover. This was the completely wrong time to do anything embarrassing. Guess what happened.

As I approached the car, I began addressing my kitten through the driver's window, which was cracked for safety . [It is important to note here that I am wearing sunglasses and the cat is not visible to anyone but me.] I began to speak in the voice that so far in my life has only been heard by my cat, my girlfriend, and most likely, The NSA. What I said, or rather, what I cooed, was this:

"Oh, are you just sitting by yourself in the caaaaaaarrrr?"

"That's pretty cuuuuute."

"Are you lonely sitting out here in the parking lot? Would you like some company?"

"I'm gonna come in there and give you a little kiss on the nose, would you liiiike that?"

I, unfortunately, said much more than this, but you get the picture.

At this point I have reached the automobile, and have placed the coffee on the roof so that I can open the car door. I reach into the car and pull out my little grey and white comrade (see pictures below) and I pull her up into the sunlight and then I hear a distinctively hot voice say,

"Oh, thank God."

I looked up surprised and said, "Oh hello?". I don't know why it was a question.

And then she said, "I thought you were a total creep talking to me in the parking lot."

I told her I wasn't a total creep and she may have actually believed that. Sucka.

Then she asked to see Gozer up close and I walked around to her side of the car. We talked and laughed about how weird the situation almost was, when without any warning the situation suddenly got weird again.

You see, as I had been talking and laughing with this girl we both completely failed to notice her boyfriend, presumably the owner of the aforementioned Land Rover, walking up to us with the kind of scowl on his face that one can only use when one thinks that some total creep with a kitten as a prop is hitting on your girlfriend in a parking lot. It didn't make matters any better when the girl acted like we'd just been caught in the middle of something that may or may not have been pre-fornication.

"Oh. Hi, uh, honey. I was just, uh, looking at his cat."

Which left me to reply lamely, "Yeah. This is my cat." And I kind of hoisted Gozer up in front of me both to show him I wasn't lying, and to possibly shield myself from a beating with her cuteness.

It worked. I received no beating. The gentleman just gave me a look and then climbed into his SUV and drove away.

The moral of this story?

I now have a completely foolproof way to talk to hot girls in parking lots.

Thanks Gozey.

Enough!


I have now heard from no less than six people this week regarding how bad my blogging habits are, and to those people I say this;

Let he or she who hath been posting consistently cast the first stone.

Anyone?

Anyone?

Shut up, Jeff.

I am truly sorry for my recent absence in the blogosphere, and solemnly I vow to make at least a half hearted attempt for the next week or two to communicate with all my loyal fans. (Hi , Mom.)

Since we left you with the grim short story below, several things have happened at the offices of The Pinyon.

First off, let's get these out of the way. Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! Happy 29th Birthday to me! Happy Black History Month! And finally, Happy St. Patrick's Day!

On to the real information...

First and foremost,

I AM AN UNCLE.

On March 13th, three days after her own 24th birthday, my little sister Claire gave birth to the new generation of the Dobosh clan, an 8lb. 4 oz. baby boy! His name, is Maveric, (that's right Ice...Man) and like his uncle he is hung like a horse. Or so I'd like everyone to think.

So, congratulations to Claire and her awesome husband Pal. One piece of advice, it's never too early to start working on the kid's ball handling abilities. Only good fundamentals can get him a scholarship.

I'm no college basketball scout (anymore, thank you Dayton Flyers), but he looks like a 3 to me, if he's a little taller than his dad, maybe a 4, but a shooting 4.

On to the next, and only slightly less important, piece of news:

I AM A NEW PET OWNER.

On Christmas Eve of last year, I obtained what has been scientifically determined to be the Cutest Kitten on Earth. It is a girl kitten and her name is Gozer. Is it strange and sad that both my nephew and new kitty are named after characters in 80's movies? Probably.

Regardless, I love my little Goze-toes and I'm sure you will too, once you've had a chance to see this...

See what I mean about the cuteness? Oh, you don't? Take this!

And now, to prove that she is indeed my kitten, and also that she is indeed alive...

And that's how I lost my right eye.

More kitten stories to follow.

You've been warned.